Leerdammer: Introduction

Also known as Maasdam, a name that I believe was given to the cheese after one too many people thought it was some kind of death metal band.

Leerdammer cheese is the Dutch’s answer to Emmental, which is what most people mean when they say “Swiss Cheese.” In fact, I wouldn’t even call it an “answer” so much as a blatant rip-off. It’s the same colour, it’s got the same distinctive holes through it, (a cunning Swiss ploy to cheat people out of cheese) it smells the same, it tastes the same (almost) and it has the same texture.

It rather makes one wonder exactly how far you have to go in the cheese industry before you get accused of plagiarism. I mean, if I took the process for making Gouda (another Dutch cheese) and modified one of the steps very slightly, could I then market this as an entirely new brand of cheese that I’d come up with myself? Yeah, how would *you* like it, Netherlanders? Bunch of copycats.

At first I wasn’t even going to do this cheese. I almost felt as though I shouldn’t eat it, like I’d be supporting their underhanded machinations somehow. However, upon a consultation with the Cheese Sprites, I was assured that cheese is cheese, and should be accepted as it is without regard to whatever shady origins it might possess.

In any event, if you’ve ever had Swiss cheese then you basically know what Leerdammer is like. It has a fairly mild flavour, sweet and nutty, with a creamy consistency. It’s good in sandwiches because the flavour doesn’t overpower everything else you’ve chosen to put in there, and also because it just looks nice. I can only guess at what deep-rooted aspect of the human psyche causes food with holes in it to be aesthetically pleasing, but there you go.

It also occurs to me that I should really have done Emmental first. I mean, now that I’ve written about this shameless imitation of Emmental, I’ll be pretty strapped for things to say when I actually come to write about Emmental. Of course, the same thing would have happened had I done it the other way around, but at least then the real deal would have been the one getting the first-class treatment.

Sorry, Switzerland.

Anyway, here’s the photographic proof:



You can probably tell that the cheese I’m using has been pre-sliced, but don’t worry; it is actual Maasdam cheese, rather than some artificial imitation slop. Wouldn’t that make it a copy of a copy? I don’t think I could push myself to that. Trust me, it’s real. My sanity demands it.

Once again, I will later prepare my Jacob’s crackers for sanctification and consume the cheese. Dream update tomorrow, all being well.