Leerdammer: The Dream

I know, I know. “A late update already? He only started the damn thing a week ago!” Shock, outrage, death threats, etc.

I’m sure I could give any and all manner of excuses…I was too tired, I had to work on something else, my parrot ate all my crackers, nobody loves me…but really, you’re not interested in excuses. The update is here now and you’re either going to be placated by it and enjoy it or hate me forever and ever for being a lazy bum and depriving you of Internet entertainment. Not that I’d blame you for the latter, because this is blog is SOLID GOLD and I can see why the wait for new content would make you bad-tempered.

Anyway, on to the important matter; the dream.

It seems that the Star Wars reference I made in my last update stuck in my head, because this dream was a full-blown George Lucas-influenced geek fest. Of course, I suppose it could really have been any generic sci-fi setting, but I’m assuming it was Star Wars because an epic orchestral score accompanied everything (EVERYTHING) that happened, and because the last three hours of the dream were a lot worse than the first three. Or…maybe it was the first three hours that were worse than the last three. I'm not really sure.

The interesting thing is that here, the villain isn’t Darth Vader or Darth Sidious or Darth Anyone (what‘s the idea with that naming convention anyway? Is “Darth” a form of address, or do the dark Jedi give everyone the same name to promote a family atmosphere? And if it‘s supposed to be a title then how come everyone still calls him Lord Vader? Obviously the Darth club is seeeecreet, and no girls are allowed.)

It’s a dragon.

That’s right. In a bit of genre-mixing fun, we have an honest-to-god, magic powered, fire breathing, far-too-big-to-have-any-business-flying dragon, referred to by the general populace as the “Viper Drake”, as the big bad boss.

I don’t know how I knew this from the beginning. I hadn’t seen it, and nobody made any mention of it for a good while. Presumably I was sensitive to the Force and, as we all know, one of the major perks of being a Force-user is knowing certain elements of the plot in advance.

But in any case, that’s all set-up. The dream actually starts, as I recall, on a space ship, from which I am currently preparing to disembark. However, when I turn around, there’s a bounty hunter with a blaster pistol pointed at me. I’m tempted to say it was Boba Fett, but really, I don’t remember what he looked like at all. For all I know it could have been Ghyslain Raza.

He kindly points out that there is, indeed, a bounty on my head, even though I knew already, (Jedi plot knowledge again) and then tells me that he is here to collect upon it. (Which I managed to work out without any kind of advance plot knowledge at all.)

Then he does something so devious, so insidiously elegant that I would have given him a gold star if I had one to hand.

He peers at his blaster for a moment, turns it sideways, then looks at me and asks, “How do you use these things again?”

In spite of being all but overwhelmed by his dazzling display of genius, I retain enough presence of mind to draw my own blaster and gun him down. Since his snazzy-looking armour seems to offer as much protection from blaster fire as that of an Imperial Stormtrooper, (i.e. none) he drops after only a couple of shots.

I should point out that my blaster is a fairly nifty piece of work. It has (presumably) been extensively modified to look like an old, ornately designed flintlock pistol, but despite this, it still fires those distinctive, red laser bolts and makes the PEW PEW sound with which we should all be familiar. The anachronisms just keep piling up.

A transition occurs, and now I’m outside in some kind of park with a group of people, none of whom I remember clearly. It is here that I “learn” about the existence of the Viper Drake when one of these people brings it up. Naturally, as protagonists, it falls to us to find a way to kill the thing. I’m not particularly happy about this since all I have is a blaster, and blasters are useless against important characters.

Another transition and…suddenly I’m discussing ownership of a space ship with Robert De Niro.

I’m serious.

ANOTHER transition (seriously, this dream had ADHD or something) and I’m back in the park again, only this time the whole area has been scorched by the dark flames of the Viper Drake, leaving it more than a bit of a mess. The few structures that are still standing are blackened and smouldering, and everything looks grey and desolate, even the sky.

Suddenly, I look down and there’s a bright, red, laser-like beam poking through my chest, emitting a low-pitched hum. I’m not going to say it was a lightsaber, but…

In any event, I’m now looking at what I can only describe as a “Game Over screen”, stating that one of my companions has betrayed me and joined the Viper Drake in its bid for galactic domination, damn them. This is accompanied by two still pictures, the first of which is of the Viper Drake itself. It looks pretty much exactly how you’d expect an evil dragon to look; spiky crest, big teeth, elongated and serpentine, dark grey in colour. The other is of my traitorous companion with a facial expression suggesting maniacal laughter. Her skin has turned a similar grey to that of the dragon, her face is covered in sinister tattoos, her eyes are red and there’s blood trickling from the corner of her lower lip.

Well, I’m guessing it was blood. It’s not like it was explicitly stated anywhere. It could well have been cranberry juice, but that wouldn’t really have gone with the overall tone.

And that’s it. As you can tell, my dream recollection is still quite fuzzy, but hopefully that’ll improve as I continue to focus on remembering and recording them.