A question that may be on your mind right now is “How will I be eating the cheese?” Well, although it may vary with certain particularly exotic or unusual varieties, I will generally be serving up any and all cheese I eat with Jacob’s Cream Crackers:
Plain, unsalted crackers have the Cheese Sprites’ complete approval as one of the most pure and simple means of cheese consumption, and Jacob‘s brand are of a consistently high quality; which as just as well, as cheese deserves nothing but the best. Although “cheese and crackers” comes second to eating the cheese straight with no accompaniment at all, I am only human, so I’m allowed some leeway here.
Now, about the cheese itself. If you've never had it, (in which case you should be ashamed) extra mature cheddar is a strong, somewhat salty cheese with a sharp flavour. It tends to be quite crumbly in texture, which makes it difficult to use for some purposes, (in sandwiches, for example) but with a good knife and a bit of practice, you should be able to cut it without it going to pieces on you.
Like most (possibly all) British cheeses, cheddar is named after its place of origin, that being the village of Cheddar. This might not have been the wisest of moves, because with cheddar being as popular as it is, most people now immediately associate the word "Cheddar" with the cheese itself rather than the geographical location. Of course, being famous for the production of a certain item will inevitably cause you to be known as "Those guys who make (insert item here)", but when it actually reaches the point at which you're living so much in the shadow of your cheese that people don't even know that you exist...
Wow. That can't be good for a person's self-esteem.
There are a lot of things to like about extra mature cheddar. For one thing, it’s a good “eating cheese”. Although, of course, all cheese (with perhaps a few exceptions) is meant to be consumed in a general sense, the term “eating cheese” refers to cheese that is good to simply eat on its own and as it is, without further preparation or being added to another dish.
That said, however, cheddar can fulfil the latter two roles quite well. Although many simple recipes (such as the cheese omelette) may call for a certain type of cheese that is “best” for the dish, cheddar often makes for a good substitute. The flavour will, of course, be different, but the result will still taste good. You can also (I’m going to get attacked for this) shred it over pizza. Mind you, a good, freshly made pizza won’t need it, but if you happen to be stuck with one of the cheap, frozen variety, a little bit of grated cheddar can really spruce it up.
However, the one, true reason that mature cheddar has forever earned a place among my cheese hall of fame is much more simple:
Cheese on toast.
That’s grilled cheese to our American audience. Yes, a simple melting of cheese slices on to lightly crisped bread, in which cheddar performs like a champion. In terms of the ratio of the tastiness of a dish to the effort required to prepare and cook it, cheese on toast is probably in first-place by a considerable amount, and given that cheddar happens to be the best cheese for it, I’m pretty sure that means that cheddar is the best food in the world. I can only feel sorry for the lactose intolerant.
In fact, on second thought, no I don’t. Digestive difficulties aren’t a sufficiently good excuse not to try this. Unless you’re 100% positive that eating melted cheddar on toast will cause you to DIE, get up and make some right now. RIGHT now. Why are you still here? I include all of you in this. Do not read beyond the end of this paragraph until you make yourself some grilled vintage cheddar. I’m serious.
Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s take a look at what I promised you all in my introductory post; a photo of myself, in the Vestments of the Eldritch Curd, holding the cheese in question.
Yes, not even cheese is safe from XTREMENESS.
From where I’m standing, it feels silly to have to prove that I’ve got some cheddar. Not only is it a fairly common cheese to begin with, but I am never without a block of it in my fridge and I eat it on a regular basis, so it’s not as if the idea of me having some before bed is in any way outlandish. Nevertheless, consistency is important.
I should note that the packaging warns that this cheese is “For Adults Only.”
I can only say that I'm lucky that I qualify, because if I had to seek parental permission then my dear mother would discover what I’m doing here, and she would never approve. I’m sorry, mother, but it must be done.
That’s it for now. Later tonight I will ritualistically sanctify my crackers, give thanks to the Cheese Sprites and begin the consumption process. Expect the dream update tomorrow.
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